lesson from a cockraoch

a very fancy way to end one of the most meaningful and pack year...

i woke up this morning, realizing a lesson...
given to me by a cockroach...

i have been working for 3 years to get rid of em...but they just won't go away...
and then i realize...no matter how hard we work for something, if He does not permit it...it wont work~
so at the start of term this year, i prayed...and promise to make sure things are clean so the cockroaches'll go away...
alhamdulillah they did...He kept His promise...

but this morning that tiny irritating guy came peeking into my kitchen again...what???
and i noticed...i haven't been keeping my promise...

bless the cockroaches~

:D
now i can appreciate its existance...LOL

have a nice happy new year everyone...
build up dreams and make em true!

*when you hope some people to do something, you must teach yourself to do it first
*depend on Allah in every huge and simple matters...
*beauty = arabic language

Alhamdulillah the ups and downs this year are nice to be treasured....i love 2010, and i hope 2011 will be much better and also treasure valuable lessons...:D

jom berazam!
do pray for our end of round peads exam...

zai titriddisi tib???

language barrier is a challenging  obstacle for us now...

a situation:

i was trying to take an antenatal history from a mother...
her 7 month old child has ventricular septal defect in his heart...so i asked

"lamma hamilti bi abdul rahman, kan yujad ayyi mushkelah?"
"when you were pregnant with abdul rahman, was there any problems?"
"aah...kan amilti....bla...bla bla..." i didnt get her...hehe

she explained...but i couldn't understand. so again and again until every mother in that ward tried to explain to me what happened during her pregnancy...
and they even explained stage by stage how a baby develop and how baby needs nutrition from the mother...(this is what i could understand)...but i still couldn't understand what was the problem...

and finally...a woman asked me -
"enti mush fahim eih elmushkelah?"
"you still couldn't understand what was the problem?"
"ma3alish...la'a"
"am sorry...nope"
"zai bititriddisi tib???...da hagah 3adi, kullu 'nas yufahim!"
"how could you be studying medicine???...this is a normal thing, everybody understands!"

erk...hehe
so i had to explain to them that i didn't understand ammiah thoroughly...and that is why am practicing talking with them

"rabbuna yusahhilik!"  "rabbuna yuwaffakku!"...they said~

# the word i didn't understand is "hablu sul" or that was what i heard..."zai khartuum" they said as they explained what is hablu sul...hmm~...

#very lucky to see an achondroplasia case...my jaw dropped the moment i heard a supposed-to-be-6-month-old-baby talking..."3anduha khomsah sanah!"...huh?...and then i realized that her limbs were different~

-do study short stature, chest, heart and abdomen

Qolyubiyah

i had the most wonderful opportunity to join a trip last 3rd Dec.

it was a three hour boat ride from ramses hotel

we reached a place called Qolyubiyah...

where we sat in the "Hadiqah" for tazkirah, games and eat...

then after zohor we ride "something" (i rode the horse-carriage) around the village....to the "shalalah"...LOL

and in the end...went home by boat accompanied by the beautiful sunset!

well,
my real intention was to tell about how i got invited into this trip...hehe

this trip was organized by the Arabic teaching center i join... n ust Mahmoud have told me about this trip since a month ago...but i just didn't think going for a trip is my idea of relaxing...

and finally, 3 days to the trip...ust Mahmoud gave me a "final tazkirah"...5 reason why i should join in...hehe...
i was laughing all the time...so i didn't catch all the five reasons...and mainly because ust was explaining to me in 'Arabic' -God!, when'll i get this language to settle in my tongue???-

but, one of his excuses caught my attention...

because you need to give yourself a rest!...working, studying, socializing everyday...all of this makes your heart/soul (qolb) tired, so once in a while...you have to get out of this routine...and there is the 3 most wonderful things that can give peace to your heart/soul...

1. the greenery

2. the blue water (well, it is very difficult to get the Nile river to be blue....)

3. the one that caught my ear...LOL...al weshu jamil (and ust sweeps his forefinger n thumb across his face)...au, soutul jamil...au...aiyee hagah jameel...

and our trip will provide you all this!

hehe...
and because of this reason...i decided to join...:)...fortunately!

peads are passing by me very fast...huhu...has anyone made the clock run faster?...it seems like it's running triple the usual rate i am used to...

arghhh!!!...am trying to be patient!!!

i really like to share this invaluable understanding that clicked in my head yesterday...

it's not that i never knew it before, but i guess the circumstances made me understand this more...:)

i was discussing with ustazah Jihad about an Arabic conversation. a guy was explaining to his friend why does his aunt lives with him. 

"my aunt had just gone through an unfortunate event, her husband and son died in an accident. that is why she's living with my family now, though this incidence could have affected her badly, she's a strong women, she didn't weep al the time and her face is always calm."

"ya liyana, as sobr feehi ithnain nau'an...fi sobr ma'a redho wa fi sobr ma'a sakhot" 

"liyana, there are two types of patience, there is patience with acceptance and there is patience with discontent"

said ustazah Jihad once we went through the guy's explanation. and she added:

when you face a problem that upsets you, yes you could say..."am being patient"...but your face would not fake others if you are really upset. it will be expressed by your bad mood...everybody around you can tell by just looking at your face that something is wrong...but, a person who accepts what has destined for him when an unfortunate event befalls him, he would say "la haula wala quwwata illa billah" and smile.

and this is not easy ya liyana. not everybody can do it...that is why, we pray to Allah:

أَللَّهُم أَرْضَ عَنِّي رَضَاءً ﻻ سَخَطَ بَعْدَهُ أبَدًا

and yesterday i realize that i haven't been thoroughly patient before...

take what is good, correct me if am wrong

a wonderful day to start a new year...:D

food

starting winter...my head is always occupied with what i would eat nex...LOL

each morning, i would already plan for tomorrow's breakfast...and here seeps all the memories of malaysian food...

laksam or roti canai for breakfast...owh, and we have a 'kedai mamak' that sells 100 types of roti canai in sek 13, my mum bought roti klcc once...LOL...or nasi lemak sambal sotong in PKNS...my favourite one...once in a while, hanging out with umi, yen, ona or ami for just a coffee and reading newspaper at weekends...ayah always have either oat or tuna with sandwich most of his breakfast (blood sugar control by mama...hehe)...or just bread and 'kaya'...owh we don't have 'kaya' here...

for heavy meals...we can simply buy at sek 8's...i love the fried talapia with sambal there or to ayam desa masuk kota's chicken rice at sek 11...mmm...it was there since i never know when, it's kind of remarkable to find it still at the same spot last summer...hehe...mee goreng, mee kari, laksa, keuh teow...hot plate...nyum3...sometimes i would be satisfied with just fried rice...or if we are so confused, just go to pasar malam for satay or kebab or murtaba' or anything

appetizers...hummm...i love all kuehs...just name it but my most favourite is toknde's karipap...hehe...or rojak...or...cekodok, jemput2, mmm....i love eating and it's stressing not being able to make one...

fruits,...manggis!!!....or rambutan or duku or cempedak or nangka or...betik which is the one of the fruits i havn't found it here yet...fruits are important to give you fiber...:D

after we've done the routine of appetizer, main dish and desert...of course we need a drink...mmm
fresh orange, sour sop, watermelon, mango juice, sugar cane...aaa...and chrysantymum tea...did anyone realize we don't have this here?...or simply sky juice...teh tarik mamak is the most wanted when you can't get it...but when i am living there...i never thought of trying this all out...hehe

now i see how valuable malaysian foods are

urm...i think that is only 25 % of what i experience myself...
eating is subconcious
but not here...

still, i should be grateful!

*what does food have to do with the new year?...well, food is the item that's been lingering around me since...but, for this new year, i would like to urge myself n anybody, to set new goals so that we can at least say we achieved something by the end of this year...

May Allah be with us all~
salam maal hijrah everybody!...hmm...what should i have for breakfast on thusrday???hehe

why chicken can't fly and turtle's shell aren't smooth

i was walking home from school through my usual path...
though am living in Egypt's capital...Cairo, "in a sense", i still feel like am back in my grandma's village...hehe
because i get to see donkeys, horses and even chickens being taken care of lovingly by the citizen...(one of the uniqueness in Cairo)...

well, last two days as a flock of hen ran pass me...i remembered a cartoon story where a man screamed over his escaping livestocks..."catch that bird!!!"..and suddenly a memory of about 10 years ago flickered through my mind...

i was in primary, and my bro and i used to spend our holidays at grandma's...she usually needed to tuck us in to make sure we sleep at night...hehe...everything and every time was game to me before...and to make us stay still in bed, she'd tell us bed time stories...

one of them was..."adeeq, liyana...do you wanna hear about chicken and turtle?"... (my grandma speaks malay though)
yes!!!...and we quickly get under the blanket nex to her...and my grandma begins~

long...long...time ago, chicken can fly...that is why they look like birds...it is told that birds need a special gold on their wings so they can fly...at that time, chicken used to look like any other birds...flying pleasantly...whenever they come down for food, they will keep their gold safely...

turtle on the other hand, cannot fly...and he was so amazed by flying creatures...he so wanted to fly himself...so, one day...turtle braved himself and went to ask chicken the secret of their flying ability...chicken told turtle the truth...

"to fly, u need to have the gold with you!"
"where can i get this gold?"
"i can't tell you, it is only for birds!"
"owh...you look really good when you fly...it must've been amazing!...can you take me with you?"
"no! that's ridiculous...you are too heavy!"
"can i borrow your gold then?...i really wanna know what it feels like to fly..."
"hmm...but how will you wear the gold? you don't have wings..."
"i'll put it in my mouth!"
"u uh -shaking his head- it will fall down if you open your mouth"
"oh please please please please please chicken...i promise i'll keep it safe! by the way, you are always known for your beauty and generosity!"
"urm...ok then...just for one time since you seem so excited, but however amazed you are, never open your mouth!"
"i promise!"

so chicken lent turtle his gold and put it in turtle's mouth...immediately, turtle was able to fly...he went up...up...up...and up to the open sky higher than the top of the tallest tree...the view was so splendid...
"how is it up there?" asked chicken...
excited and eager to express himself, turtle quickly replied..."fantastic!!!"

but woopss...turtle opened his mouth as he speaks, and the gold was thrown out from his mouth onto the grounds...without the gold...turtle lost the support on air...thus he began to fall...down...down..down...and crush!!!...he cracked his shell into tiny diamond-shaped crease...

chicken - my gold!!!

turtle - sorry...huhu

chicken, realizing that his gold had be thrown down onto the ground quickly went looking for it...pecking every few feet of his ground...but he never found it...so they never flew since the day turtle lost their gold...till today, the chickens are still pecking the ground searching for it....

so that was one of the countless bedtime story my grandma told us...

i did not remember the story precisely, but that's how it goes if am not mistaken...:D
a memorable fairy tale...hehe...

inna ma3al 3usri, yusra...

bismillah...

are you aware of your breathing? (provided that you have normal healthy lungs)
well, i would like to bring us all back to the minute we were born...obviously, nobody recalls that moment...but...did you know, that it was a difficult one?

in our mother's belly, we do not need our lungs to breath,
we simply take e-ve-ry-thing from our mother...namely, nutrients and oxygen...
so, definitely...the lungs we had before was different from what we have now...

our alveoli were collapsed, lined by thick cells...and the vessels were congested with blood as there were no particular blood flow within it...all the exchange of nutrients and disposal of waste products were managed by the placenta...

but once we are independent, this circulation needs to be changed...
oxygen have to come from our lungs,
nutrients from our intestines,
disposal of waste products through the kidneys...
every organs now holds a responsibility to make sure we can live...
we cannot depend on the placenta anymore...
and the most vital system to ensure we are alive at that moment is...
our respiratory system!

in that important moment, a baby have to learn how to breathe...he must expand all his collapsed and thick wall alveoli...push out all the congested blood in his lungs to make space for air...it is not an easy task...it needs effort!

but hey, after 21 years alive...(me)...no one even realize that they were breathing...
breathing becomes so easy that there is a quote saying
"as easy as breathing~"

our lung structure changes...the blood pressure in the lungs becomes low, the alveoli walls are thin and there are huge spaces for air to fill in...

sorry for the long introduction,
so...what does all this have to do with the title?

well, the title is actually a verse in the quran in surah ash Sharh, verse 5...which again is repeated in the next verse (verse 6)...
(bismillahirrahmanirrahim)
 "fainna ma3al 3usri, yusra"
(verily, along with every hardship is relief)

i would love to convey to everyone reading this (especially myself) that...
don't be afraid to face hardship!

why?

#1
Allah has promised in that verse that along with every hardship there is relief...
if you read carefully here...the 'hardship' is a specific noun as it begins with an 'alif lam'...which means only one hardship... where else, the 'relief' is general noun thus it is countless...

#2
you've faced it!
at least once...(when you were born)...the difficulties of starting to breathe (as i have explained above)
you were brave in that moment...nobody knows how difficult it was for you,but now...do you realize how easy it is?

#3
if you prepare yourself for a difficult path and worked for it...you know that no matter what is the outcome, you'd never be disappointed... as the sweetness of a victory lies in the effort
*you cannot claim a victory (to yourself) if you knew you didn't worked for it
-we can't lie to ourselves, even if we do...we know it...this is what i believe...but,we can ignore-

so, be optimist...and don't be afraid!

that's all
take what is good, ignore what is bad...and do correct me if there are wrongs...:D
happy eid!

~love the food!

10 nights

salam eid al-adha...

tomorrow will be arafah day...
and the best 10 nights are about to end...

just like to remind myself and everyone else, about how much good deeds we have done so far...there is still time to compensate if we lacked...

eid al adha in egypt is surely fun this year thanks specifically to
*khadijah and her mother's delicious dish!
*ustazah maha for willing to teach us how to make egyptian cuisine (derang tgh menuntut sekarang) and break our fast together
*gen6 babies...(they weren't around last yr...) -hani, ulfah and iman!
*my housemates...:D...love you gurls!
and most of all...
*all my friends!

*tadi terbaca berita jemaah haji malaysia yg meninggal dunia...ramainye...kite happy2 kat sini, tp ade org yg tgh sedih*

what made me rethink

somewhere around January, 2010
i was in a meeting room

it was made compulsory to have a 'tazkirah' in a meeting...
i didn't bother much...i composed myself to focus...

remarkably, (not that it wasn't expected...but it caught my attention) the director himself gave the 'tazkirah' for that meeting...
he said he'd like to start with reading some verses in the Quran...

the first eleven verses of surah al Mu'minuun...he recited it and translated it and explained it to us...

in the eighth verse,

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

"Those who are faithfully true to their Amanat (all the duties which Allah has ordained, honesty, moral responsibility and trust etc.) and to their covenants (promises)."

he explained to us, that because of this verse...we were holding that meeting...we were given the responsibility (an Amanat) by the society to run an event...and as we have took this responsibility, we were to do it as best we could...

y?
because we are muslims.
*the explanation were longer...but long story cut short~

this struck me...
though i've heard of this before, but the meaning of "Amanat" or "covenant" never sunk in me deeply before...as it had on that meeting...

it made me recall all the responsibility i held:
a slave of Allah
a daughter of my parents
a sister to my brothers
a niece to my aunts and uncles
a granddaughter to my grandmother
a student in the path of Jihad
a friend
a house mate
a leader (at that time)...and many moresss
*not as much compared to those married and with kids...hee


have i fulfilled all my Amanat?...
i wasn't sure at that time...
i usually tend to ignore things that are sophisticated...and focus on the priorities...
here...i found out how much i've belittled what i should have forgone...

and in that split second...it made me vow: to try as much as i can to fulfill all my duties!
that moment made me rethink and reorganize my aims and intentions...

small, passable events, when we ponder through them...they usually store useful lessons...:D
so, that's what i wanna share today~
a reminder for me (da buat "vow" tuh!) and for those who read this...(sorry it's kind of boring)

writing

have you ever felt like sharing...jz dat u dunno how to share it...i dunno if anyone understand what i feel...luck of course!...and really glad~~~

it's like this~

i jz finished the clinical exam of internal meds
it was fun (more than i expected)...i was dead terrified before that...so silly to feel so...
it's because~...
have u ever felt like u were destined with someone before u even know him thoroughly?...i mean on the first glance? (approximating eyebrows)

that's what i felt about the patient i had to examine today...
i've met him before on several occasions...i met a lot of other patients actually...
but it was different with him

in one of our clinical classes~
the dr asked us to examine him, i stood at bay...feeling like i've done this before, i'd jz wanna observe this time...my friends did the case and presented it...and they mentioned he had a palpable pulmonary pulse..."owh!...i've never felt dat before~" i said to myself...but i jz didn't get the chance to feel his pulse in that morning session as we need to rush to our lectures...so i kept in mind to see him after lecture. it felt like, this is "a-must-feel-pulse" kind of feeling~

sekadar gambar hiasan

so after lecture, i went to his ward but... he was with his family...:(... it'd be impolite to feel his pulmonary pulse at that time...thus, i saved it for the next day

nex day, i did remembered to go and see him (the curiosity didn't fade)...i grabbed a friend to accompany me and begged him to let me feel his pulmonary pulse (he really didn't gave me in easily)...and finally i managed to feel that wide volume pulse :D... and examine the rest of his heart ("literally")

and remarkably he end up as my clinical examination patient.
(helped me a lot though that little guy! - he corrected my apical comments before dr Ali came to question me)...glad~~~
*this is what we call professional patients

it's jz ironic...we've had a patient with crepitations once...which obviously i've never heard before and i was so damn curious how crepitations sounds like...i failed to put my stethoscope on him but the curiosity ended bluntly (with no attempts to find that patient and ask permission to listen to his crepitating lungs)...

comparing a crepitation to pulmonary pulsation...erm...
pulmonary pulsation felt like any other pulsation in the body that can be felt except that it's not normal to have it, but crepitations??? that's one rare thing (for me as a first yr in internal meds)...and mind, am still curious how exactly it sound like!...it's weird how i put that much effort to only feel a pulse~

but it was destined i guess...a very great luck!

revising myself

this talk is so beautiful...
i felt so into it, i jz can't but share it...
*thnx panna for sharing this!

anatomy~

i love anatomy...
a subject i can read n study n memorize with passion...(but dis really doesn't mean i knew it off by heart)

so, today i wanna share a piece of story, a history of how anatomy began...about the man who started our way of learning anatomy...Andreas Vesalius (click for his web)

_____________________________________
modern medicine began around the sixteenth century in the innovative minds of such people such as the anatomist Andreas Vesalius and the physiologist William Harvey. Andreas Vesalius (1514 - 1564) taught anatomy in Italy. in his time, cadaver dissection had resumed for the purpose of autopsies and gradually found its way into the training of medical student around Europe.

dissection was an unpleasant business, however, and most professors considered it beneath their dignity. in these days before refrigeration and embalming, the odor from the decaying cadaver was unbearable. dissection were conducted outdoors in a nonstop 4day race against decay. bleary medical student had to fight the urge to vomit, lest they incur the wrath of an overbearing professor. professors typically sat in an elevated chair, the cathedra, reading dryly from Galen or Aristotle while a lower-ranking barber-surgeon removed putrefying organs from the cadaver and held them up for the student to see. barbering and surgery were considered to be "kindred arts of the knife"; today's barber poles date from this era, their red and white stripes symbolizing blood and bandages.

Vesalius broke with tradition by coming down from the cathedra and doing the dissection himself. he was quick to point out that much anatomy in Galen's books was wrong, and he was the first to publish accurate illustrations for teaching anatomy.

when others began to plagiarize his illustrations, Vesalius published the first atlas of anatomy, De Humani Corporis Fabrica (On the Structure of the Human Body), in 1543. this book began a rich tradition of medical illustration that has been handed down to us through such milestones as Gray's Anatomy (1856) and the vividly illustrated atlases and textbooks of today.

copied from 
Saladin Anatomy & Physiology
The Unity of Form and Function (Third Edition)

a wonderful history isn't it?
how ancient people used to study anatomy... without any refrigeration and stuff...my first yr experience of the anatomy lab wasn't pleasant, but at least it wasn't a 4day race against decay...hehe
now i miss waiting in that lab for hours beside cadavers...
well, dat's for today...

from history we learn~

talking in arabic

while waiting for 10 o'clock (hoping the 'suq' will open)
plus, something reminded me of this incident - english lectures crisis...hehe

it was our 4th day or in the second week of attachment in HKL..i dun recall it precisely~
we visited the psychiatry department and requested to visit the wards...
the head department allowed us to enter...

so we went to the 'gurls' ward...it was lunch time, patients were lining up for their food...we approached them, suddenly a patient came to us

"owh, you guys nk interview i ea?...kejap ea...i nk makan dulu...hurm, u pakai braces, i pon pakai braces...u boleyla interview i!"...she pointed to me...

erk...haha...this really caught me...very friendly patient.

we continued inside and the matron showed us around
"skarang time makan, so patient tak de dlm ward...kat situ file patient kalau nk bace...." she continued explaining us around

at the same time, there was a women in patient's outfit standing beside her...looking at us drowsily (i guess, ptosis eyelid)

"...by the way, korang ni dari mane?" the matron asked
"Cairo University" we answered together...
suddenly..

"enti minal kaherah?" the women asked
"aa!" i replied astounded..."enti bitakallim arabi?" i asked her back
"na'am...ana darastu allughatul al arabiah fil jamiah" she replied...

phew~

"a aa...dy nie pandai cakap arab..." said the matron..."aa, boleyla korg borak ngan dy!"

"lau antunna uridina an atakallam ma'aya, saufa najlis awwalan!"... said the patient

seriously we were really taken aback by her...

"mashi!" i said...

and we continued chatting, talking about each other...but more to how she end up in the psychiatry ward...fully in arabic fushah!...(never imagine i'd meet someone like this)...frankly speaking, she talks more fluent than i do...and she corrects her verb every now and then...

*some people really strive to learn arabic...realizing how precious is that language...

#this incident happened to me and shae~one more sweet memory there

mysterious...let's explore!

i am sleepy so early nowadays...
but dis help freshen me up a lil bit

curiosity...hehe



dis is the ocean...can human body still hide more secrets than we expect?

*clinical classes prove to be exciting and satisfying...'if i get the chance to do everything...'

be curious!

pantun syawal

i want to share a 'pantun' sms to me from a very special person...thnx for texting it!

sungguhku diuji empat perkara,

iblis, dunia, nafsu dan syahwat.

selalu menjeratku dalam binasa,

sedarlah aku sebelum terlewat.

though at first, it seems like "how is it related to eid?"
but when you read between the lines...it is a reminder, that even though syawal has come...and all those forbidden things in ramadhan has been lifted...you should be aware that starting first syawal...all those "four" stuffs are eager to pull you down-

a portion from our beloved prophet in his last sermon (khutbah al wida')
"beware of satan for the safety of your religion. he has lost all hope of that he will be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things."

*mid syawal...and the moon is getting more prettier every night

*The pantun is a Malay poetic form,In its most basic form the pantun consists of a quatrain which employs an abab rhyme scheme. A pantun is traditionally recited according to a fixed rhythm and as a rule of thumb, in order not to deviate from the rhythm, every line should contain between eight and 12 syllables. "The pantun is a four-lined verse consisting of alternating, roughly rhyming lines. The first and second lines sometimes appear completely disconnected in meaning from the third and fourth, but there is almost invariably a link of some sort. Whether it be a mere association of ideas, or of feeling, expressed through assonance or through the faintest nuance of a thought, it is nearly always traceable"

it's the fifth time

my fifth year here...(egypt)
i thought i could muster myself to feel normal here...(well...it should be! am entering my fifth yr~)
though at first it seems yes (masa dlm flight)
but the minute i took a trolley for my luggage, the feelings dawn on me all over again...~why am i willing myself to be here~...

hopefully it won't last too long...

i usually say it's fun in egypt!...but it takes a while to adjust...

and it will be fun all over again...like those four year that has past...

it's gonna be fun!...it has to!

let's forgive...pleaseeee

didapur ketika berbuka -
"macamane nabi tu sabar je ea kaklong?...", my youngest brother, ahmad questioned that...

"nabi tu, org buat jahat kat dy pon dy doakan kebaikan org tu", azfar added
"erk..."...me

there was this one day, i was so furious...urghh!!!
why do people have to be like dat???
i felt like avenging, so that the person knows what it feels like!
fortunately, my mind worked faster that time, after 21 years alive and with all my experiences (especially last year's)...it got me thinkin...

what made me so mad?
usually when things didn't go my way

is it appropriate for me to avenge the person back?
hurmmm....
i usually complain about it in my prayers...hoping God will give me patience to face that person,
and when it comes to the part asking God to avenge the person for me...i was reminded of our beloved Prophet (pbuh) how He would forgive anyone however hard they've done to Him...

do i have the right to get so mad?
was dat person so mean to me?...'so mean'...urm...not really,
compared to what our Prophet faced...this is minor!

and imagine if each time things didn't go the way Allah wants it to be and He gets mad over it...would i still be alive today?...Allah has let me lived for 21 years already, let me live this long so that i have the chance to redeem myself before 'that' day...

here i thought, i don't have the right to judge, however mad that person made me, i wasn't in his shoes...i could never understand why he did it...and i don't have the right to be mad at him, instead...i should correct him...not avenge him...

my inner mind speaking...hee...what i really mean to convey here is-

maafkanlah jika ada terlanjur perkataan

(or perbuatan or anything)

diharap supaya jangan disimpan

kuberdoa selamat panjang umur murah rezki

semoga tuhan akan memberkati

let's forgive and if possible, forget!...pleaseeee

and so...only a few days left before Ramadhan finishes...we must strive as much as we can to gain these few days...it's never too late as long as we are not yet in the end...

i really hope to get to meet next Ramadhan...

and of course, have a pleasant eid
so here i like to wish everyone
selamat hari raya!
kullu sanah wa antum toyyibeen!
maaf zahir batin!

the cookie story

LOL

i can't help but laugh first...so damn funny!!!
yesterday i helped my mom making this:

and then ona and aina came for 'buka puasa'...
we ate, chat...talked...and aina asked me for one of those cookies...she took one and went to the living room with amat...

aina

then, she came for another one...
ona became curious, where has she thrown the paper cup...
we all assumed she'd chucked it out somewhere in the living room..."dun worry la ona!" i said
the third time she came into the kitchen, mouth so full...pointing at the jar of cookies ("dy suke biskut ni!" - my mum)...ona asked her,

"aina, sini kejap! mane plastic dy?...packet hitam ni...aina letak mane?" pointing at her paper cup...
aina smiled...opened her mouth and pointed in it...LOL
"astaghfirullahal azim!!! kaklong la ni!...x ajar dy nk makan macamane!dy x penah makan mende dlm paper cup lagi, mane dy tau..." ona pulled out the munched up paper cup from her mouth...what happened to the first paper cup?
sadaqallah...safe in her belly...

hehe...

for the third cookie, i threw away the paper cup first...LOL...

it never occurred to me to miss it

i just finished helping my mom out in the kitchen...doing a bit this and a bit that...hehe

then i sat down in the living room, skimming through channels...and found this very interesting documentation
"Science and Islam"...in history channel, with an "18" warning...this caught my attention...so i click on it and found out how much i miss my study place...huhu...

enjoy~



*i need to really understand arabic to gain these...
may Ramadhan be blissful for all of you!

besnye org yg spend ramadhan in egypt...

feeling free?

the patient kept staring...
i doubt he can move his eyes...he's completely paralyzed, with myoclonic flexion of his trunk every five seconds...

i smiled at him...
miraculously, the edge of his mouth pulled up a bit...
is he looking at me?

i moved a step in front keeping my gaze on his eyes...his eyes followed...:D

"dr, what happen to him?"...i became curious
"i am not a dr,  i am an occupational therapist"
"owh sorry, mrs...what happen to this boy?"
"hurm...see his right elbow here?" i looked up his right elbow which is wrapped in a cast
"yup!"
"he was unlucky, caught up in a tiny accident which end up with a broken olecranon...he was chased into the orthopedic department who decided to operate on his olecranon...another unlucky strike in the OT, his heart fell into asystole...the dr tried to resuscitate him...and he was merely alive...but his brain damaged due to the blood deprive...so he is now being treated and hospitalized..."
"OoOOoooo...so sad~"

everyone just celebrated independence day, i hope he'd be free soon...

#be grateful that you are given the chance to experience ramadhan...why is it passing by so fast?
(a reminder to my-forgetful-self)

post triple one...

today's topic is about nothing particular...

wanna share a funny incident that occurred to me

i was hovering over dr # as he took a parkinson patient's history

rummaging through the patient's file, he asked

"where's your ECG?"

"EGG saye x buat dr!"

"rmm...nurse!"...the dr called

"ye?" she came

"tolong buatkn ECG satu for this pateint." he smiled and added "patient ni kate dy x buat EGG"...they laughed..

i smiled..dr # turned to me, "do you know what's E-G-G?" he asked with his serious face

"ermmm...???" i made a thinking face

"do you know what is ECG?"

"yes, elctrocardiogram"

"yup...EEG?"

"electroencephalogram!"

"ryte...and EGG?"

"electro...???"

"haha...egg!...telur la!"

"huh?" i was bemused...and i laughed..."pulling my leg huh?"

"yes!....saya kenekan sorg lagi!!!" cried dr # out loud...

knowledge

chit chatting with ayah...
he described to me
the difference
between a man who gains knowledge (3ilmu)
and a man who gains information...

"3ilmu" will make the person who has it a nice and lovable person
he practices "mahmudah" attitude, and he avoids anything "mazmumah"

i hope i can have the knowledge...not just the information...

it's a gift!

that day was the Grand ward rounds

almost 20 drs are present...

the best thing about that day was what i saw in a chinese couple...

the wife unfortunately has parkinson, thus she couldn't take care of herself very well...the husband was discussing his wife's discharge with a dr, he can't wait to bring her home...and bless them...they look like they were born before the japanese era...

his discussion ended, drs move to the next bed...i kept my gaze on them as the husband was about to carry his wife to a nearby chair...can he manage? i wondered...

"&*(%$#@#" said the husband in chinese to a lady...and she helped him

apparently, i wasn't the only person watching this scene...a chinese male dr was also witnessing this...

"this is your daughter?" asked the dr

"nope, my maid!" he answered

"owh, where did you find a chinese speaking maid?" the dr asked back...

(sorry, this is what i assume they were talking about...hehe, they were speaking chinese)

and their conversation continued for a bit...

the husband then took out a flask, pour chicken soup into a bowl and began feeding his wife

"what?where's your maid just now?" asked the chinese dr shocked

"dunno!" he answered not apparently looking at the dr, he seemed pretty occupied with his wife

"you have a maid, ask her to feed your wife la!" said the dr

"no no!" he refused

"oo, you sayang bini ea!" the dr joked...

he seemed intent

a malay female dr said to us...

"nanti nak kawen, cari husband macam nie!"...we smiled

then the chinese dr turned to us

"bayar maid tapi tak mo pakai...rugi la!" he quoted

"i da nasehat budak2 ni suh cari husband macam dy!" said the malay dr

"u x nk nasehat i ke? i x kawen lagi" d chinese dr replied...

"u sanggop jaga ur wife like this?" she asked back

"hehe~"

it was difficult

i really hate waiting...it's torturous!

i dun like crowdedness...it's suffocating!

i averse difficulties...it makes me doubt myself~

i hate this...i dun like that...huhu...

there are so many things in life, which pressure my mind...

one day, amidst all those difficulties...i just couldn't stand it anymore!!!

urgh!!!

giving up seems like a pretty good idea...

i dun actually need to face this, i do have an option to back out...

but...

i won't get what i want though...huhu

i began to evaluate...is it really worth it to face those difficulties?...is it better to just give up?...or just cheat my way in?...there are many other easy ways to sneak through...hehe

i was in a 40 minute ride train

i boarded that full coach and was forced to stand...huhu, i've just walked about 10 minutes to reach here...but all the seats were full...i didn't have a choice, so i waited in front of a passenger, hoping at each stop she'd alight...but i was out of luck that day...i stood till my destination

there i thought, while my feet were killing me...why am i afflicted with such hardship???

maybe....

maybe i have made somebody waited for me before or maybe i have cause difficulties to others before or maybe this is another life's obstacle...

i was not used to this method of transportation...i looked around at all the other passenger faces...this must've been their routine, they look calm...somehow at peace...well some of them does wear a face like me...hehe...if i was to complain out loud, they must've look at me like i am a crybaby...it's only a bit of standing!duh~

with that thought lingering in my mind...miraculously, everything seems smooth and easy~

hurm...i don't really have to give up then, it's just a matter of adjusting my perspective on a situation...

look at it in a different view!

i really hope this method can be used in other matters

there, a lesson in Ramadhan Kareem...

use all the opportunities given while you are still alive, this might be the last Ramadhan...huhu 

telepaths

what is telepathy?
the ostensible transfer of information on thoughts or feelings between individuals by means other than the five senses
before, it is known as thought-transference

i am just curious, if this thing truly exist...i can't deny its presence,
i've felt it countless of times, though i maybe deluded...huhu...
or coincidently i've been thinkin about it...
but the fact that it crosses continents and the coincidence (well, as muslim...we know that everything and every move in our life are destined)...made me google it up and wanna study about it

so mr. wiki here provided some info about telepathy...
if you are open minded, you can classify it as parapsychology...
or not, we can regard it as clairvoyant
as, it cannot be proven scientifically yet-

test has been made to study the presence of this ability,
the most famous is the Zener cards and Ganzfeld experiment
we need 2 person to participate in this test, a sender and a receiver...the sender thinks about a picture from these cards...the receiver will know what card the sender is thinkin about from afar...ganzfeld experiment is similar except that the receiver is put in a controlled environment...

  zener cards...

there are many types of telepathy...latent, retrocognitive, intuitive, emotive, superconcious...etc.

hurm~
as far as i am aware of, i've been is the receiver's shoe...and emotive type at most...intuitive sometimes...
well, surely i wont realize if am the sender...hee

but the question here...
is it truly true?
i wonder~

*thnx mr wiki for these info
*tomorrow, start stopping wasting my time
*tomorrow start terawih??? "rabbana taqobbal minna ramadhan!"

...read...

today's story is about one of the most common story we ever heard...
but i wanna tell it anyway...

about the first order that was sent down on our beloved Prophet, peace be upon Him.

everybody knows the order is "READ!!!"
and everybody is very familiar with the story...in a cave, on a hill, at night and suddenly Jibrail came...
and asked our prophet three times to read!...and each time He'd reply, I cannot read!, and each time He was hugged strongly by Jibrail...and after the third time, Jibrail said..."iqra' bismi rabbika allazi kholaq'"

hurmmm...

has it ever occurred to you, why Jibrail needed to ask three times? and each time he hugged our Prophet ever so strongly...that's a torture!, why couldn't he just teaches Him after the first disclaimer?

the answer~

well, you have to put yourself in our Prophet's position...imagine~
it was dark, He was alone in a cave, high up on the hill that was far away from the village...very far away from human beings, occasionally...some desert animal will pass through...with little food and not much water...that night was dark with stars glimmering above, still and silent...suddenly, with no warning, a man appeared in front of Him, smartly dressed, sparkling white, clean and with no signs of exhaustion.

surely, this took Him by surprise!...who is this stranger?...he couldn't be climbing up the hill just now, there was no sound! besides, his outfit is just too clean to just finished hiking...he came down from the sky? erupted from the earth?...and above all, this stranger commanded Him to read!!!...He's never read before~

so, in this situation...the first "maa ana biqaari'!" that our Prophet rebuffed to Jibrail...was proclaimed in an indefinite shock and fear...and He has never understood or can ever read anything before...as if He said..."lan aqra'!" - "I can never read!"

and here Jibrail hugged our Prophet...not gently like a mother caressing her son...it was a strong one!...the bone-braking kind...this kind of hug makes people fainthearted...at this early beginning, Jibrail was showing our Prophet that the path He's going to pass through is a tough path. that he needs to be patient and obedient to Allah. and once again, Jibrail asked Him..."Read!"

the second time, our Prophet rebuff "maa ana biqaari'!", but this time it was a notch lower, not the sudden, strong surprised reply like the first one...as if to say, in fright..."laa a3rifu al-Qiraa'ah!" - "i don't know how to read!"

and again...Jibrail embraced Him stronger than the first one, this second one teaches Him that whenever a command is told, don't ask how...and it teaches Him more patience...and for the third time, Jibrail asked "Iqra'!"

and again, our Prophet refused...softer..."maa ana biqaari'!"...He's exhausted and extremely frightened by now...and Jibrail keep insisting Him to read...His third reply was weaker...He doesn't know how to read...but being kept told to...so, this time...his weak reply meant "maazaa aqra'?" - "what shud I read?"

so that's why...only after the third time did Jibrail replied "Iqra' bismi rabbika al-lazii kholaq'!" - "Read! In the Name of your Lord Who has created (all that exist)!"

as if to answer His hidden questions in His ever same remark. even though all three times our Prophet replied the same statement, the context, pronunciation and intonations make the same statement gives out different meanings...and for sure, the first "maa ana biqaari'!" couldn't be replied straight away with the first verse sent down to our beloved Prophet, peace be upon him.

and that's how the story went...

thanks to ustaz mahmuud for telling us this beautiful story...his story was longer, and has more hidden items of course...filled with emotions, except it was in arabic...hehe...and this is only about 'a' verse in the Holy Quran...huhu

hope u guys enjoyed reading it...:D

#in a couple of days, nisfu syaaban is coming...rabbana taqobbal minna ramadhan...
# i have this problem of confusing arabic words with each other, they sound and have somewhat kind of similar syllabus...but it has totally different meaning~...any idea how can i work dis out?
# notice how breezy this morning was (sorry, only applied to cairo's inhabitants)...hope it last through out the day...or month~...hehe

happy holiday!

the one and Only ONE!

it was a hot evening...i waited in class for ustaz mahmuud to finish his 'solat' at the same time completing my 'i3raab' of 'fe3l' and faa3l' of surah al-Qiyamah...

am really not good in this kind of task, it burns my brain up (hehe)...and tires me down, but i finished it anyway~

ustaz mahmuud came in and we continue our lesson of 'al faa3il'

i love ustaz mahmuud's classes as there are a lot of thinking process going up, before he teaches me any subject...he'd usually make me guess the contents of the lesson...

and so, this lesson started with-

what is al-faa3il liyana?
the doer of doings. i replied
good!our lesson is going to be easy...and he wrote down 6 sentences to describe al-faa3il
that's item no. 1...now, what other condition a word needs to qualify itself as al-faa3il?
emm....i hesitated, well honestly...i dun have any other idea...after several minutes passed by...
think!...you are a doctor, look carefully at your patient, check his eyes, his mouth, his stomach...search for it indefinitely before you give out your diagnosis!...now come on liyana...from those examples, what do they present?
urghhh...the difference between female and male?...i ask, unsure
ustaz mahmuud clicked...urm...before that!...

and that how our thinking session usually goes...seriously it feels like in a game of chess, which reminds me of my dad a lot!...LOL

at last...after waiting too long for an answer, ustaz mahmuud gave me the conditions...
eleven of them!, and he explained one by one...it was nearly 6.15 p.m....
and we reached no. 11

now tell me liyana, can an arabic sentence have more than one al-faa3il?
yes?...that's usually how i answered if am not sure
okay, is "akalaa al waalidaan" a correct sentence?
yup!
is la3ibuu al waaliduun a correct sentence?
yup!
nope! you are wrong.
why?
the correct one is akala al waalidaan.
if the fe3l is in front it is always one...
why?
the arabs language is like that...because...there cannot be more than one doer in a sentence!...that's their rule
owh!...so my answer just now was wrong?
yes, and the beauty in this rule the arabs created here if you can see...they believe in their own mother tongue that there cannot be more than one doer in one sentence, so Allah ask them, ya 3rabiyyuun...you yourself speak that there cannot be more than one doer...how can you believe that there is more than one god, if you can see here liyana...the ultimate doer who does every doing is only ONE and that is Allah azza wajalla!

i was stunned!

that is why, al-Quran came in arabic language is a mukjizat...if you realize, yes you can do stuffs, make things move, run, climb...or anything, but if it is against Allah's will, you can never do any of them...so...for the arabs to deny this is against their own rule...how can their mind accept there is more than one god who created this world if their tongue could not accept more than one doer in their language?

wow!

and ustaz also said that your heart also cannot give ultimate love to more than one person, it is true that you do love someone more than you love another, it can never be the same level, but the one who get most of your love is the owner of your heart!...how is this related to our discussion?...i missed...LOL...i myte have got lost along the stunned realization of this fact hidden for so long since i had my first al-faa3il lesson years back...
how can i never realize this??? its blissful to see...honestly!

just thought dis is something worth to share...
there are many more wonderful stuff that opens my eyes during my lessons...i'll try and find time to jot em down...but this one, really... it's beautiful!

cause there is one creator and ONLY ONE and that is Allah


pray for me...=)

# these conversation are my own translation...do correct me if am wrong...
#this is one long typing...hehe
# learning needs patience...so do pray for me...
Rabbuna ma3akum!

choosing

whenever i wanted to decide to buy something, or choose anything and i seek for my father's opinion,
he will always say, you have the right to choose! but i will guide you, n you can make your own decision...

hurm...

it got me thinkin, during this holiday season...

when i woke up in the morning, and found myself unbounded to any important responsibility, i'll sleepily lay my head back down...

before the holiday, i can wake up very early and stay up late at night, almost 24/7 my face stares books...as exams are around the corner...hehe

but now?...urm...

well, do i live to wait for examinations commin up?...hurm...it got me thinkin~

coz i always have the chance to choose!

(a reminder for myself and whoever's readin~)

a dua' ust Maha taught us-
rabbana taqobbal minna....(whatever good deeds crossed your mind)
choose wisely~

where did it come from?

on my quest to understand this piece of arabic grammar, my teacher asked...what does 'nahu' (arabic grammar) teaches us?

i thought n replied based on what i wanted from that lesson
-to teach me where to put each word in a correct place in a sentence!...so damn confident!...LOL

my teacher smiled...n shook his head...u got it wrong!

uhuh...?so, what do i learn from the subject nahu?...

thus, my teacher told me the story of how the word 'nahu' came from...

it was in the era of khalifah Ali bin Abu Talib...an incident happened to his friend, Abu Aswad adDu'ali...
Abu Aswad here came from a pure arabic descendant, and that day, he was sitting outside at night in the desert with his 18 year old daughter...they were looking up at the sky~

his daughter said "maa ajmalu asSamaa'?"...(what is the most beautiful thing about the sky?)
"nujumuha!"...replied Abu Aswad...(its stars!)
"la, lam uridu as-su'ala, wa innama aradtu at-ta'ajjub!"...she corrected...(no, i didn't mean it as a question, i meant it as an amazement!)
he was so shocked hearing his daughter saying that..."iftahii famaki!"...(open your mouth!)
[maa ajmalaa asSamaa'!]

worried on how his daughter who was also a pure arabic could make this huge mistake...Abu Aswad told Ali bin Abu Talib about their conversation that night...

'ya amir al-mukminin! last night i spent my time outside with my daughter.'...Abu Aswad started the conversation
'great!, you are a great dad!'...he replied
'we were looking up at the sky, and my daughter said..."maa ajmalu asSamaa'?"'
'tell her its stars!"
'yup, i told her that!...but she replied..."la, lam uridu as su'ala, wa innama aradtu at ta'ajjub!"'
'yaah!!!how can an arab made such mistake???' Ali was suprised!

worried that arabic language would be broken, Ali ordered Abu Aswad to write down that arabic words has three types..."al-ism, al-fe'l, al-harf"...and he added "unhu nahwan haza nahwi" (follow this path!)

and from there came the word 'nahu'...

but still,
my question has not yet been answered...what does 'nahu' teaches me?

my teacher replied politely...
"hua ilmun ya'rifu bihi dobtu awakhiri al-kalimati bi'anwaa'i al-harakati"
(it is the knowledge that teaches you with precision about types of line at the end of each word)

only???

hurm...
to learn whether you used the correct word for a meaningful sentence we study 'balaghah'
and so on...
owh why dun i like history before???...LOL