do explain

today i pour out all my adventurous encounters and problems i went through the couple of days i worked to my dad

ayah said, "mmm...kklg, have you heard about the guy in a train with his 2 kids?"
nope, what's the story?

there was this dad with his two kids in a train ride, the two kids were so active climbing up here and there, screaming. other passengers were disturbed. initially they told off the kids, but they didn't listen. seeing that the dad was just sitting in his seat doing nothing, one of the passengers decided that it's time to tell off the dad instead.

'hey! your kids are making a havoc here, ask them to sit in their places!'

the dad - am sorry, yup, my kids are a little bit troublesome.

'this isn't A LITTLE!'

the dad - if you know my situation, probably you'd understand,

you see, their mother is sick,  in ICU, it has been 5 days since they last seen their mother. they didn't wanna eat or bath or play. this morning though, i got a call from the hospital that we can come and visit today. my kids are so happy, they bathe, had their breakfast and a little bit hyperactive. but just now, i got another call from the hospital that their mother had just passed away...so now am sitting here trying to think of the best way to tell them that. for now i guess, just  let them be...

sekadar gambar hiasan

hearing the story, the passenger also decided to just let the kids be...

*do explain your situation, so people would understand your choices

*and if you are on the angry end, do listen to their explanation...you might decide otherwise instead

^_^

patient collapse

i was oncall yesterday,
and i get two episodes of patient collapsing...

first was in OT, the patient just came out, he desaturated...the staff nurse called the aneasthetist oncall which happen to be my senior during medical school. what i did - i just stood there watching...
she managed to get the patient's oxygen in blood back to 100% without intubating him. just high flow mask and suction.
amazed! i was thinking, i need to learn this!

that night, after rounds with my MO, our patient in ward collapsed. this time, the patient ended up with intubation. throughout that 2 hrs trying to get her oxygen level in blood up to 100%, i was thinking, if i was in charged, this patient may not survive...; (
this time around though, i didn't just stood there and watch, i helped take the arterial blood gasses. but i was just following orders, honestly...my mind was blank. my MO asked the readings, i answered the figures, which i cannot decipher its meaning : (

i need to learn this!

the patient end up with something like this picture:

currently i feel safe, thank God my MO was there! thank God my senior was there! but it won't be for long...

i need to stop the blurring, and start knowing!
not that my medical school didn't teach me on how to manage collapsed patients, just in reality i've never faced them before. and when i am for the first time in the middle of it, my mind didn't work -_-

assignment for today - study on how to address collapsed patients = aneasth notes...

sekian, blabbering to my ownself

praying that i won't be a lost sailor, instead i will always reach my destination however rough the sea is ^_^
do pray for me...pleaseeeeeeeeeee

housemans has lots of BF/GF

an example of my early days as a houseman:

i was informed a stage 4 colon cancer patient coming in,
i was to take blood, send it to the lab, transfuse her with 2 pint pack cell and inform back my consultant the blood results.
owh, the diagnosis is established! easy!

i did 'just' exactly what he asked me to do.

during rounds:
my specialist: what patient is this?
me: owh, this is (my consultant's name) patient - stage 4 colon cancer.
---
my specialist: hmmm...so..?
me:--mm...??..we are transfusing blood right now, this is the first pint
my specialist: obviously (as there was 1 pint being transfused)...well,??
me:...mmm..???
my specialist: iyelah, stage 4 colon cancer, how did we get to that diagnosis? ape history die? ap CT report dy, HPE result dy, clinical exam ko jumpe ap?...haisyhhhhhh....
me: err...
my specialist: isyh, korg skarang gune computer, click2 jer sume result kluar, sume hx dy before this kluar, kalo ko x sempat nk clerk patient pon at least bace la clinical notes dy before this, ad je dlm comp tu...bukan macam aku time houseman dulu, nk kene trace balik kertas2 dlm store tu...kadang2 sampai 3 hari baru tau cerite...ni kan zaman IT...adoi!

me: err...err...

my specialist: ok, fine...nnt trace CT report dy, so kite plan nk buat ap ni?

me: err...??

my specialist: ni untuk scope esoklah...! haih....make sure ko prep dy betul2 harini, taknak tibe2 cancel plak scope esok! isyh, ko x leh offtag lg nieh!

me: ok.... (in my mind - to prep meaning???)
*****************************

blurr right?...too blurr
well, those days i felt so down...why didn't i know all of these, (the management, the diagnosis, that i needed to properly clerk the patient)..why did i assume that if they(my bosses) already know they wouldn't ask me...why couldn't i perform my work properly???

why? why? why?

i was down mostly because i felt like i've let myself down, after 6 and half years studying, performing quite well during my student years, but once i jump into the field itself, i couldn't perform! there's just so many things i didn't know!

the part being scolded or being talk to as a lower class houseman is another thing, if i was too tired it would bug me, if it was early in the morning, fresh and energetic, i'd just smile =)
smile all the way...

********************************************

now things are much better, am still a bit slow...but at least i know my job

to me...
treating a patient is much like having a boyfriend, you need to know EVERYTHING  that is important medically about him/her, to always check up on him/her, how was the vitals, has the lab results came back yet? what was the x-ray just now like? until the patient is stable and better, allowed to be discharged home, and you keep reminding them to watch out their food, make sure they don't forget the medicine and be on time on their clinic follow up, or come anytime if something goes wrong before the follow up.

that's my metaphorical depiction of my job, hehe  :p
(now i understood why some people are said to be married to their job)

i cannot choose to be ignorant, cause it might cause someone's life

ironically in life too, if we are ignorant, Jannah will be too far-fetched.

rabbuna yusahhilna jami'an

all the best for my juniors in final year
and goodluck to all my fellow colleagues (housemans)
and thanx to all my consultants, specialist and MO's for not giving up on me ^_^

yet still a student

finally! am writing again!!! ^_^

after a long long pause, sorry about that!

frankly, emotionally i wasn't strong enough to be giving others advice, or spreading happiness

but that was then,

housemanship really took it's toll on me!

changing from theoretical to practical, adjusting myself to the computerized system and inter-human and inter-racial relationship and the no more leisure sleep...on the 14th day of life (of HO as they describe it) i was depressed!! but luckily my bos is so motherly, she gave me that day off (Thanx Miss Lenny!!)

and also thanx to the attachment medical students who's been through all the tough times with me in ward ^_^

now, after about 2 months
am more adjusted to this new life,
i love going to work!

everyday is bound to store some surprises

every person i meet is gonna teach me something new

and an off day is just so priceless...hehe

some medical student told me that they were adviced by HO that it isn't too late to turn back and quit medicine

but if it's your dream! don't give up! 

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

فَإِنَّ مَعَ العُسْرِ يُسْرًا

إِنَّ مَعَ العُسْرِ يُسْرًا

surah asy-Syarh, verse 5 and 6

5- So verily, with the hardship there is relief

6- Verily, with the hardship there is relief.

like how newborns struggle to learn how to breathe in the early minutes of life,

people now can say: "as easy as 'breathing'!"

i hope being a doctor will be as easy as breathing to me one day
currently, i still feel like a student

"buah cempedak di luar pagar,
ambil galah tolong jolokkan......" -sila sambung

to my fellow juniors, i would advice you to prepare for your housemanship,
not just academically,
emotionally and mind you, PHYSICALLY!!!

Family and Facebook

i usually spend my time waiting for my brother after his training reading a book.
*guys love to make you wait! but am not gonna let them get me...hehe, just kidding...i was trying to spice up and suddenly it becomes ironic...uh? (err...you can skip this part...haha)
and my other free time is usually spent going through the facebook...hehe,
(don't we all do nowadays? erk!)

this is a text from a book am currently reading:

Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated from Anas رضي الله عنه that the Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم said,

"A person who is keen to be blessed in his sustenance and have a along life should keep ties with his kinsfolk."

Abu Ya'la narrates from Anas رضي الله عنه that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said,

"Verily through donation and keeping the ties of kinsfolk, Allah may confer a long life safe from evil and death, together with blessings with many benefits such as expiation of faults, forgiving sins, and entering paradise."

Educators should stress these values in the minds of children and actually take them in his company while visiting his relatives, and thus the children begin to like them. The child will acknowledge their favour, and will share with them their joys and sorrows and help them in case of suffering and poverty. This in truth is the height of beneficence.

from English translation of Child Education in Islam by 'Abdullah Nasih 'Ulwan
(The Responsibility of Social Education, The Rights of Kindred by Blood)

this was on eid 2009 + my grandma's 77th birthday ^_^

*Kindred by Blood are those who are related by kinship or lineage.
like fathers, mothers, grandfathers, grandmothers, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, cousins...our BIG FAMILY in short :D

(highlighted yellow)
i deduced, the author suggest that we take kids along while visiting relatives so that they get accustomed to them and grow in love with our big family.

in this era 'where-every-few-seconds-we-get-edgy' if we are not on facebook (hehe)
why not use facebook at our advantage...?

trace back our 'Big Family' on facebook,
have them on our friends list,
quiz our brothers and sisters on who knows more of the family members,
always keep in touch with them,

most of us already did this,
coz i did saw a few friends who put up photos of their family gatherings up to 6 or more generations, that they had to put on coloured name tags on...hehe

makes me feel jealous...
because from the 'Hadith' of our beloved Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم above, Allah will give them,
(highlighted pink)

• blessing in their sustenance (rezeki)
• a long life
• that is safe from evil ad death
• expiation of faults
• forgiving of sins
• paradise

they are very easy to obtain especially nowadays that we can get it from the tips of our fingers...right?

and may we get our beloved Prophet's attention in the day of judgement for practicing his teachings.

the book maybe a guidance on how to educate a child,

but i do feel like it is educating me (maybe cause am still a child...hehe) :p

just a thought i'd like to share, especially for myself and for everyone reading <3

happy blessed friday!

let's practice the sunnah of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him, his family and sohabah)

and sollu ala habibina wa sayyidina Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasalam.

*what is good is from Allah, and what is bad is from myself...i really appreciate any corrections : )

Wonders of the 'Youth', wonder at what?

does the story of the youth of alKahfi amazes you?

how a bunch of young teens, 
with their strong faith in Allah,
escaped their tyrannical king,
with a dog, and hid in a cave,
which they fell asleep in, for a very long long time...
that when they woke up,
it was already centuries after they first found that cave.

phew~ (imagine me saying all of that in one breath)

the whole story make us wonder right?
wow! a miracle!

*'to wonder' means:
to speculate curiously or be curious about; be curious to know:to wonder what happened.

but, which part of this story should we actually wonder at?

last year, i had the privilege to discuss surah alKahfi with ustaz Mahmood (one of the things i really truly miss)

in verse 13 of surah alKahfi,

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

نَحنُ نَقُصُّ عَلَيكَ نَبَأَهُم بِالحَقِّ

We narrate unto you (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم) their story with truth:

إِنَّهُم فِتْيَةٌ ءَامَنُوا بِرَبِّهِم

Truly! They were young men who believed in their Lord (Allah),

وَزِدْنَاهُم هُدًى

and We increased them in guidance.

here, there's one point we should really be amazed at and wonder

is them being young men (فتى)

who believed in their Lord (Allah)

how boys.. barely turning into men,
could have such strong believes,
at what is right and wrong, 
and not afraid to act on it,
despite the consequences...

and they were rewarded immediately 
(and We increased them in guidance) - at the end of verse 13.

how can we be like them?

and get more guidance...

but most of us would actually wonder at...

were there 6 or actually 8 of them?
how can they sleep that long?
what happens to their nails and hair?...weren't it gonna be so long?...hehe
where exactly is that cave? the one in Syria or the one in Jordan?
which kind of dog that went with them? (i always have 'snowy', Tintin's dog in my mind)

these are valid things to wonder at...i did!

but why should we?...
Allah can do anything!
Allah actually created us and the whole entire universe!
why should we be so amazed and wonder how?

still, even if we get these answered...
how does these info benefits us?

we are easily carried away to focus on the unimportant stuffs, 
that the main point we should press on sometimes didn't even cross our mind.

so,
Let's not waste our time figuring out stuffs that doesn't give us profit
not just in the case of these Ashabul Kahfi, 
in any other stories and matters too

May Allah increase His guidance to us all : )
Happy Friday ^_^
wa sollu ala habibina wa sayyidina Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم
wa ala alihi wasohbihi ajma'in 

*elaborated from my notes of discussion with Ustaz Mahmood on Sept 10, 2012

*fabricoplasty* - lynne's method

so, a couple of months ago...
my brother asked me to repair his track bottoms
it was a big deal to him that i'm learning to sew...haha, honestly i have no idea how to repair this one,
but i gave it a try...

it has a tear in a place very reliable to re-tear...so i thought, i needed to reinforce this fabric and stitch them up without tension..

thus, i decided to use the principles of a 'HERNIOPLASTY',
here's a quick story of 'what is hernia' and 'how surgeons repair them'...
(for final year students, this is a very important topic to know by heart in detail!)
do watch : )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GciYSjdLR-w

basically, 'hernioplasty' has 3 steps,

1. remove the hernia sac (we don't have anything protruding through this fabric, so i advised my brother not to overstretch his track bottom)

2. repair the defect ('the tear', so i stitched it up)

3. without tension meaning, reinforce the defect with other stuffs -a mesh in case of a hernia (thus, i stitched it on another fabric i had lying around in my room)

and Walla!, it's finished :D
'fabricoplasty, lynne's method!'
(not an A+ job, it definitely needs more research to be done on! but i combined surgery n sewing.. hehe, -stitching to be exact)

so far, my brother hasn't complained anything yet except that the white fabric is sometimes visible...hehe
i should've used a same color fabric next time.

the advice of the day, SPORT IS HEALTHY GUYS! ^_^
but boys after sports is just......huhu
am speechless!
*i'd advise anyone who wanna pick 'em up from sports (especially tennis in the afternoon) to remind them to bring extra clothes and open your windows while driving!

tailoring 101: 7 jobs we need to do to get a dress done

for a month now i've indulged myself into the mysterious realm of sewing... hee (mysteriousla for me)

there is much more to tailoring than just measuring, cutting and stitching..

for a newbie like me in tailoring, this is what i feel like while giving my best attempt to finish a dress...
*this has no scientific facts whatsoever.. thnx nabihah for the book you suggested ^_^

1. choosing a pattern > fashion designer

this feels like a 'fast-track fashion designing' course.. i had to learn what kind of fashion fits which type of body, what kind of fabric material for which kind of fashion, etc.. makes me feel a bit more self-conscious.. hehe

2. looking for a fabric > shopoholics

most girls would love this.. coz to me it definitely feels like shopping!!! *if you are not on a deadline or a rush to find one.. do find luxurious time for this so you won't regret n it's a good mental therapy too ^_^

3. getting yourself measured > tailor

the only part of sewing a dress to me that makes me feel like a tailor.. hehe, probably because.. the only image that comes to mind when i think of a tailor is a person with a measuring tape hanging down his neck like a stethoscope on a doctor's neck.

4. drawing the pattern > architect

i love drawing! my favourite part ^_^
and it makes me feel a bit like an architect.. (maybe)hehe, coz we need to draw a life-size dress, 
but the calculating process, hmm.. a bit taxing to me.. don't worry.. it's not as hard as additional maths that we studied in secondary school :D

5. cutting the fabric > a meticulous cutter

i'd say this feels like in kindergarten while cutting out the life-size drawing.. ^_^ but not while cutting my fabric, i'll be so meticulous and careful.. 

6. the sewing machine > mechanic

i feel like a mechanic with this thing.. do you know that the industrial sewing machine needs oil! and you need to use a screwdriver! to change the footer and needle.. hehe, am not so used to stuff in a toolbox. so this definitely looks like what my dad does to our walls at home ^_^

7. sewing the fabric > driver

to my utter surprise, this feels like driving! trust me! you need to have extreme control of the foot controller, too fast, your fabric may be stitched in crumbles or you won't get them in straight line.. but no worries, you can always unstitch them.. (but you can't reverse a car crash...a very safe way to know if you're ready to drive or not.. haha) just that, it'll double-triple your time to finish your dress.

fuh~~ (selalunya akan jadi sangat lapar bila dah siap - time for the tuna sandwich ^_^)
and walla! my dress is done!

sewing my own dress gave me a new perspective on 'time'
we're always told that 'time is gold' and 'time waits for no one' but in sewing.. i needed to take time, and make time.. be patient and passionate.. to get the tidiest and satisfying pretty dress.

do spend time to the ones and things you love!

*if you find yourself always complaining, try doing it yourself.. you'll find how much you appreciate things and people around you <3

maka saya undi untuk berubah! ^_^ ini kalilah!
saya sangat bersemangat untuk melaksanakan tanggungjawab buat julung kalinya!!
5 days to go.. selamat mengundi!

how i got rid of my "darkophobia"

assalamualaykum everyone...:D
sorry for being on hiatus over 7 months straight

i had my study leaves, final exams for my mbbch, post exams trip, graduation day (ALHAMDULILLAH!!! ^_^), packing, moving in to Malaysia and an official one week "off" ^_^ (hehe, that should cover 7 months)

not that am too busy to type, but......(ooopps)
now am just gonna give excuses... : (
well, plainly- i felt lazy...erk!
(dun get me wrong, journalling is still my passion, i jot my blog stuff in a diary instead, :D insyaAllah i'll update them according to date from time to time)

so, back to the 'main' topic...
what is 'darkophobia'?
"darkophobia" is a word that thoughtlessly came into my mind to describe my situation when am sitting alone for a very long period (like home alone all "day" long) in the dark (day?) n slowly bad paranoia of supernatural stuffs come creeping into my mind scaring the guts out of me from the mere sound of leaves rustling or water drips....haha

*fear of the dark is Achluophobia

this is how i managed it-
few days or or more before my final exams ended,
a friend told me that the 'supernatural' series is one of the best!

so, i tried the first episode of the first season....n it turned out......AWESOME! (hehe, my fav character is 'dean' n his fav word is 'awesome')
i was hooked up to it immediately, tho of course i waited after i finished my exams to continue them...

in the beginning, there was a lot of screaming involved n heart pounding moments (thanx ieqa miqa for screaming with me...haha) God! they were exhausting!

but towards season 6, i found myself kinda cool n not looking for any pillow or teddy to hide my eyes anymore, n of course, no scream no more! :D heee
n......i watched season 8 all by myself! home alone!!!...(in malaysia!) *proud self...haha :p

this series has built my courage!
well, that's what my dad says,
ayah added...it's a good thing that the actor is so cool and steady when facing disasters...psychologically it influence 'you' in a good way
(trying to rationalize my time wasting activity)

well, this is one of the stuffs i did since 24th jan
n today i've just finished the 16th episode of season 8..:'(
coz now i need to wait another10 days for the nex episode..

but of course, there are more pressing matters to spend my time into
n lots of duaa i still need from all of you
-that i spend my time wisely
-i get a job
-i'll be a good doctor
-consistent with my routine in cairo n be a good muslimah
-Allah's mercy n wealth onto yourself n people around you

thnx for reading...: )

wall hangers

January 19, 2013

today, a person i just knew told me a story that really triggered my inner mind (hehe.. it should if am writing it in here)

she is kak azzah.. she came to cairo this time to study arabic, and learn the Quran.. but she's only here for about a fortnight.. so she took multiple classes with a couple of ustaz and ustazah in 'markaz ihya' al-arabi' (remember? the calmest place in cairo to me after my cosy bedroom ^_^)

we were at Ya Hala in Mohandessein, and kak azzah was treating us :D
she said,

"on my first day in class.. i needed to use the toilet, as i entered the toilet n looked around, i couldn't find any place to hang or put my stuffs on!

huhu..

so you know what i did? i went out and bought those plastic wall hangers n stick them on the wall! well, am gonna spend 2 weeks in here anyway right? plus, whomever uses it, i'll get the reward! :D"

'waa kak azzah! i've never thought of that!' i spurted, amazed!

 'i've been having the same problem since the first time that 'markaz' was open (which was 2 and half years ago) and it never once crossed my mind to buy a wall hanger, instead i accommodate myself by hanging my stuffs over my shoulders for those 2 and half years!' *when am using the toilet i mean.. hee

*i am staying in markaz ihya' al-alrabi much much longer than 2 weeks in fact

her story really kicked in some sense into me n made me realize, am not that sensitive to my surroundings~ =(

but better late than never ey?

-our conversation was edited of course, 'cause i don't remember her exact words.
-written on April 10, 13

egg-cracker

January 1st, 2013

yup! i hav an exam on new year..
so yup! i stayed up on new years eve.. 
nope, not celebrating.. but memorizing...hehe
n yes! it was stressful! but, a laugh did help in the end :D

well, i am on duty to cook for yesterday and today, so as not to bother my nervous morning, i decided to cook something simple yesterday - boiled egg with sambal for breakfast...something like 'nasi lemak tak cukup bahan', but that should do right?

so, after maghrib, i put on 6 eggs on the stove to boil and went into my room and finished off revising with naimah :)
*she is my fav study buddy...helps to keep my head straight...hehe

but too straight, i was so focused that i forgot all about the eggs...untill, suddenly...in the middle of that silent night

BOOMMMMM!!!!

a firecracker-like sound came from the kitchen!
huh! my eggs!!!!! i gasped, wide-eyed

i rushed into the kitchen..
and found..
this-

it seems like i had boiled the boiling water till it dried out and exploded the eggs...

unfortunately the eggs are inedible :(
urghh, so many still to read, n i had to re-cook!

but i had a good laugh the nex morning :))
i had "egg-cracker" on new years eve! yeay!!

-the ups and downs of examination-time-zone

*what i want to achieve for this new year? in general, a better me from last year insyaAllah ^_^
-written on April 9th, 13