her gentle clutch

remember in my last post i said it was a blissfully happy wednesday?

apart from making me interested to look up for bruce springsteen...dr hossam also said a couple of words about shoulder dystocia...when he asked us for the management, i was completely clueless...(hmm...x bace lagi la nie...i tot to myself)

that evening, i decided to drop by the delivery room...after observing two c-sect, i decided to call it a day...but as i just took a step out, a woman was wheeled into a normal vaginal delivery room...hurm...just one normal delivery wouldn't hurt...i havn't seen one yet today...so i stood by her...

it was only me, the dr conducting the delivery and a nurse with the patient...the dr smiled and gave me a thumbs up...hehe
we waited...i asked if i could feel the uterine contractions..."try and put your hand on her fundus!" he instructed me...and we waited...

the baby's head seems so reluctant to come out...the peadiatrician came by us, asking how's the patient's progression...
"ma ti'la'eesyh!...di halet IUFD" the obstetrician replied... (dun worry! this is an intrauterine fetal death case)

huh?...okay, that surprised me...i didn't expect that...this will certainly end sadly in whatever way...
but even sadder...the labor seemed to be obstructed...huhu, the dr conducting the delivery called for help...and dr hossam came in...i was pushed aside as many more drs, nurses and anesthetist came in...
"i think it's a shoulder dystocia!"...i heard one of the dr said...

shoulder dystocia (click)

and frankly, so sorry on behalf of the patient, but i felt so lucky to get the chance witnessing dr hossam did every step he explained in management of shoulder dystocia that morning (of course except symphisiotomy)...since the baby  had already passed away, they were concentrating more in shortening the duration of delivery for the sake of the mother...

when the baby was out, dr hossam rushed to a theater for another c-sect...and was followed by the crowd who came in to see before, one of the dr who was holding the patient's hand called me, "hold her hand please, i need to go"...so i was left standing beside the patient and the first obstetrician who's suturing her episiotomy...

when the suturing was done, i tried to remove my hand...but the patient strengthen her clutch...her attempt was so weak, i could've easily slip my hand away...but i couldn't bring my heart to do so...she looked so dehydrated and pale...to kill the tension and quietness, i tried making small talks to her...

how old are you?
20
20?...am 22... (and already she's gone through this kind of pain...i added to myself)
how was it?
it's good, u've done great! (i assumed she's asking about the episiotomy as she was half awake already towards the end of the suturing and screamed with every prickle of the needle)
did he put him in the incubator?

it struck me...i was clueless...i couldn't say a word, but i managed not to trickle my tears...
her gentle clutch held my hand till the staff came in to take her to her ward...

that day reminded me of my mom so much...despite all our busyness in studying, we should never forget to pray for the one who sacrificed her life to ensure we live in this hectic world...

miss you mama! and ayah too, u took the share when u let mama clutch your hands...hehe
*may Allah reserve a place for you...am so grateful to be blessed with splendid parents...:D

no wonder...am in the 20th century!

i love music...like candy for ears...halwa telinga...(betul ke?)...hehe
but some are just...emm, what can i say...that's why am living in the 20th century!...hehe
i wanted to jot down about how i ended up to "actually" listen to this-

brother under the bridge - bruce springsteen
*sorry, the vid can't be embedded

hehe, did u enjoy it?...wokay...wut happen was...
on that blissfully happy wednesday, dr hossam (not the head of department) described the obstetric slides to us...and in one of the slides, he asked us about the anatomy of pelvic part of the ureter...of course, i was simply miming back every single word he said...(gosh, how much i've forgotten!)...

and as the ureter reached the ischial spine and curves forward and medially to enter the posterosuperior angle of the urinary bladder, he asked aloud.."it passes above or below the uterine artery?"
"ermm...above?" (i was sitting infront so i guess he heard my almost inaudible utter...erk..)
"nope...below...water under the bridge!...ne..ne...ne...under the bridge" dr hossam hummed and continued.."under the bridge? bruce springsteen? owh, never mind~"

haha...among all those valuable teachings he taught us that day...this one stuck in my head so strong till i eventually googled up and youtubed the song (are there such verbs...haha...20th century vocabs)...which, am sorry to say...not my taste...huhu...too bad...

learning is extremely fun!...especially, when u get to see people's reaction to new informations...
when i asked fizah to listen to that song she was...ahaa...nodding her head with an almost fused eyebrows...haha...

under tension!!!

usually, i'll go through Egypt's unbelievable traffic absentmindedly...

but today, it just got on  my nerve...

and i got home and sleep myself to calmness...hmm... :)

i've talked about traffic last year once (ironically it was in april too)

feeling tense, it reminded me of a discussion i had with a group of friends and Dr Maha Mosaad just after her lecture about hypertension in pregnancy... how stress is somewhat essential for human being maturation...

a friend of mine (Noha...i've known 3 egyptians with this name already...hehe) was asking about the maturation of fetal lung in hypertensive mothers...

and Dr. Maha gave us a question...

you have three pregnant mothers, one is diabetic, one is normal and the other is hypertensive. which fetus will get lung maturation first?

*a diabetic mother will give enormous amount of blood more than usual and the baby usually ends up huge.

*a hypertensive mother will give less (the baby'll be growth restricted)

we answered; the normal mother...

"nope!...it's the hypertensive very limitedly supplied fetus that will maturate first"...everyone gave Dr Maha a quizzical look...

"bussi, (look)...if you look at the children in the streets, fighting for their survival...get very little to eat, very few attention from their parents and have to work for their family...they get matured faster right? they can survive without their parents...and seldom fell sick even though they eat contaminated foods, right? 

but if you look at those pampered by their family, getting everything they desire...they can't survive on their own...

just like this fetus of hypertensive mother, he gets very limited nutrients and oxygen...so he has to fight for his life!"

"even though he's still in her womb?" Noha asked back

"even though he's still in her womb! , but of course there are scientific explanation for this...when you are under stress, you body will secrete more corticosteroid (a hormone for stress) that helps you cope the stress. and what do we give to stimulate fetal lung maturation?"

"corticosteroid!"

"see!"

*the discussion went on to the different types of fetal growth restriction then...

it got me thinking, maybe i am in a process to maturate...hehe...but feeling tense is not a happy feeling...

and sleep really works! :D

each new understanding in medicine triggers my inner mind, i am so small compared to this huge wide universe...subhanallah!

*sorry for a lot of jargons...hehe, i've tried simplifying them as much as i could...and do correct me if am wrong!

happy birthday ayah!!!

morning!...
another story about a thing that's extremely close to my daddy's heart...

my mum...:D

ever heard of a fairytale love stories...the ending is always...

"and they lived happily ever after~"

i dunno if i am actually in one...hehe, but my mom and dad surely love each other forever...
my dad told us how he first time met my mom one day after sahur...(which i pretty much think wasn't true...haha)


"i was walking down the street one day, and at the opposite site of the road i saw this exceptionally very beautiful girl...and i quickly bend my head down and said "subhanallah!""...

waa...honestly, we couldn't stop laughing that dawn!...(am sorry ayah if it was actually true...)
LOL...i could never forget my daddy's word...haha

and i know there couldn't be a better gift than having mama around with you...
maybe that's why you get ill on your birthday...so you get to take mc n be at home with mama...hihi

get well soon...don't let the temperature rise too high k!...and,
happy birthday ayah!
love and miss you always~

"may Allah bless you and mama forever and reserve a place for both of you in Jannah for all the great and wonderful things you have done...amin!"

2nd day~...my dad..

of all the things i can never forget about my dad...the one i always keep remembering are his way of teaching us...

and the one i appreciate most but seldom practice...is thinking!

hehe...ever since i was small, ayah always give me a chance to figure out things myself...
he always let me decide which one i prefer, which color i should choose, what food i would like...
he'll guide me of course, and pull me out if i chose wrong...but even if i did, he'd rather me to think myself out of my problems than come running to him for help...

ayah is more of a risk taker compared to mama...which is why sometimes, i feel safe to ask permission from my mother...but if i wanted to do something risky...i'll go ask my dad...hehe

and in order for us to practice this decision making daily, we (my brothers and i) were to match him in the game of...

yup!...chess!
haha
honestly, i am willing to do anything for ayah rather than playing chess with him...coz i know i'll end up loosing...(even after he promised to let me win)
"that was an obvious mistake...i've given you so many chances!" (ayah would say at the end of a match where my face was so sulky...hehe)

after almost 10 times or more i guess loosing, i learnt my lesson...=(
so sorry i haven't played chess with u for almost 5 years now...huhu...
i just cannot comprehend  the attacking part...defensing is an acceptable move...but it's no good if your opponent keep attacking you...your defense will fall eventually~...and i really hate loosing...

and adeeq is lucky enough he's so good in chess...
(to me, maybe chess is a boy stuff...conquering areas, planning to attack the castle, redeeming a lost pawn...i dun even have the heart to kick a pawn out of the board...hihi...alasan...)
but the good part about chess is that we anticipate ten steps ahead for each of our moves (do we?..dat's what ayah always told us)...which took me maybe more than half an hour...i can never play with the timer...

but dun worry ayah, it's not just chess...i don't fancy any competitive matches if i could avoid it...
for you, i'll master the opening by heart before i match you...but i left that book at home...hee

and frankly speaking, you helped me a lot to make right choices...and i feel blessed and so lucky to have you as my dad!

thank you ayah!

*i know i've posted this song last year...but i couldn't find a better one to convey its meaning...
for you ayah!

being busy?

studying does consume a lot of our time...
i love to write but i seldom find time for it these couple of days...

day dreaming...am imagining myself in a working state...phew~~~

apart from almost 24/7 being in the hospital (insyaAllah)
would i find time for family gatherings...hanging out with friends...wayang?...

but it really does surprise me how my dad did it...
he usually wake us up early and force us out of bed to solat subuh together...send us to school after breakfast...go to work...then he'd pick us up in the afternoon for lunch...go home for us to change uniforms...then back to skolah agama...then in the evening pick us up...cook dinner...(or reheat...hehe)...taking care of us...in almost my whole primary school...
and...he still did find time to do 'researches' in his lab...hanging out with us...talking, giving advices...and sometimes even pick my mum up from work...(if my mum car's at the workshop i guess)...
we even went out to the movies once in a while...
i remembered that u even get a chance to enter a cooking competition with mama...hehe...
not a surprise result though since ayah had a lot of training to cook for us...but mama's cooking is always good!

not that mama is not around...but she used to work far those time...and trust me, how i enjoyed weekends meal cause mama'll cook...:D...and they are usually special!

come to think of it...that's amazing ayah!...
all i think about after a day in class is my bed...LOL...
you are a super dad...you really do deserve a retirement...
just another one in a half year insyaAllah...pray for me n adek2...

hehe...miss chit-chatting with you ayah!

love you ayah~

3 days about Ayah...starts today...

happy birthday mama!!!

For all the things I didn't say,

About how I felt along the way--

For the love you gave and all that you've done,

Here's your daughter's appreciation upfront.

You cared for me as a little tot,

When all I did was cry a lot, 

And as I grew your work did too-- 

I ran and fell and got black and blue.

I grew some more and it didn't stop; 

Now you had to become a cop,

To worry about mistakes I'd make; 

You kept me in line for my own sake.

I got older, and the story repeated; 

You were always there whenever I needed. 

You guided me and wished me the best, 

I became wiser and knew I was blessed.

So, for all the times I didn't say, 

The love I felt for you each day, 

Mom, read this so you can always see

Just how much you mean to me.

a picture taken by ayah

Happy Birthday mama!

i can't believe u are half a century already...waa..
you have gone through so much already...
now honeymoon years with ayah...
but you will always look 25 ma...hehe

hope today was unexceptionally fun to u~

*toknde said, u r her only child that she ever remembered the birthday...hehe (oopss...anak2 toknde yg laen jgn jeles...hehe)

mama and ayah in sunway

*living independently is so not that fun...huhu...missing you two~